DAME EDNA EVERAGE: Hello, possums! Well, I think... I'm sorry. I must pull myself together. Peter, I think that this is to do with International Women's Year. I think I have been singled out one of Australia's most famous women. Indeed, I want to say in all modesty, one of the most famous women in the world.

Oh, goodness me, it is wonderful to be back in this peaceful city of Melbourne after my travels. I'm quite a globetrotter. But east, west, home's best.

I thought that the audience seemed very, very wide awake.

CROWD: We love you, Dame Edna!

DAME EDNA EVERAGE: Oh, they love me, they love me, listeners.

Incidentally, women copy me slavishly. You're going to see dresses like this all over Melbourne and Sydney in a day or two. Not as nice as this, of course. But you will see pathetic imitations.

WOMAN: I think I'd love to be Dame Edna because I think she has charisma and I think she's a wonderful character and nobody can tell me that she's not Dame Edna.

DAME EDNA EVERAGE: Hello, possums.

REPORTER: Here was the megastar, Dame Edna, flush with a new blue rinse and set and clad in a Harrods shower curtain.

DAME EDNA EVERAGE: It's 34 years today since I first appeared on a stage anywhere. A very nervous Melbourne housewife. 34 years today. I was nervous because if I epitomise nothing else, I epitomise Melbourne refinement.

WOMAN 2: Dame Edna, I brought along some Geraldton wax for you. I couldn't get any gladioli.

DAME EDNA EVERAGE: Geraldton wax - I'd forgotten about it. Aren't the flowers beautiful at the moment too in Melbourne?

WOMAN 2: Yes, I'm afraid the gladdies were a bit wilted.

WOMAN 2: Never mind. Look at these. Look at the unusual colours. Have you got colour, viewers? Can you see these? Can the camera see these lovely blooms? These are the most unusual gladdies I've ever seen. They match my ocelot outfit, rather, don't they?

REPORTER: The HMAS 'Adelaide' has adopted one of Australia's best known housewives as its mascot. The honour, decided upon by ballot, was formally bestowed on Dame Edna Everage today at a ceremony to mark the 'Adelaide's' fifth birthday.

DAME EDNA EVERAGE: I didn't wear anything too provocative today. I know you've all been at sea for some time. I'm wearing my most modest frock.

I can do a TV show any time I like. But I love the flesh and blood theatre.

And thank you for having me at your place.